Trust – is it a dirty word?

Trust is a difficult area for adopted children.  Why should they trust adults – we’ve not been a great example to them I’m sure – whether they’ve experienced a neglectful, abusive and/or inconsistent start in life – they have then been moved around adults like old worn old clothes.  This may seem a harsh way to start a blog but sometimes their realities are harsh!


So what of us as adoptive parents?  How do we fit in the trust dilema?  Well one of my sons helped me see this recently in a strange way I suppose.  Every time he has a bath we get to the point where he has his hair rinsed.  I use a bowl and mix the water from the taps in the sink and then pour over their heads.  Every time for the last 3 years he’s asked to feel the water before I pour it on his head.  This always is a reminder to me that he really doesn’t trust that I will do the best for him!

Then one day he said he wasn’t going to test the water – I nearly fell off my sit!  Wow I thought we are making progress and for that day he didn’t put his hand in the bowl – he just let me pour it on his head.  It was a defining moment for me!

Of course you may be thinking great now I bet he trusts you completely?  Well it’s not that simple I guess – he went straight back the next time to asking to test the water and has continued ever since.  So what’s the message?  Well there is a glimmer of hope – there are moments of connection and trust – you just have to look for them and be aware enough to notice.

So if things are difficult in this whole area at the moment for you – if trust is a dirty word in your house – persevere and look out for the signs – they will be there – maybe more hidden for some but dig around and you may just be surprised!

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