Category Archives: Attitudes

‘We are both works of art and artists at work’ - Erwin McManus. I’ve never considered myself to be a creative person – I was rubbish at Art and particularly drawing at school. I envy those people who can create something … Continue reading

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We are real Bear Grylls fans in our house, particularly our youngest who couldn’t think of anything better then being dropped out of a helicopter over a murky lake in the middle of the jungle, eating insects and drinking his … Continue reading

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When I think of all the emotions associated with Mother’s Day – for me personally being a Mother through adoption has very mixed emotions. For most Adoptive parents it probably wasn’t their first choice, that doesn’t mean to say it … Continue reading

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There are many kinds of alarm bells – warning signs that are trying to get our attention all day. The obvious one that wakes us up in the morning, but also the many other alarms around us. The creaking of … Continue reading

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We hear all the time about how important being consistent is to our children – whether that’s being a consistent caregiver that they know or between partners being consistent in our approach to our children. It’s something that comes up … Continue reading

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There’s something that we don’t like to talk much about in the adoption world. As parents it’s something a large proportion of us live with daily to one degree or another. It’s something we don’t admit to and certainly don’t … Continue reading

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Our theme this week is ‘cheerful perseverance’ and I can’t say I have much cheerfulness in my persevering at the moment. Being a parent of three near teenagers (11, 12 and 14) would try anyones resolve and at times (like … Continue reading

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I don’t think I’ve ever repeated a blog before but I was looking back on my New Year blog for the beginning of 2014 and I thought it’s so good I’ll repeat it just to make sure people have read … Continue reading

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  I heard a quote a few weeks ago which was “beware of worshipping the tea pot and not drinking the tea”. It made me think of the shine of new things, the illusion of something that invariably might turn … Continue reading

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There are many children who show extremely challenging behaviours – whether at school, in youth activities with other children or at home. They may be the ones in fights, or verbally abusing the teacher, they may be swearing and throwing … Continue reading

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We are always told that failure and adversity makes us stronger. That we learn through trial and error. That you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Enough of the cliches….this weeks theme for our blog buddy group … Continue reading

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There are many things I would have liked to have been over the years – a singer, a world traveller, someone who can cook, many many things. The problem with wishing to be something you’re not is that you spend … Continue reading

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I love programmes about time travel – it’s a bit sad I guess but shows like Doctor Who, Fringe, Primevil, Heroes – anything that merges time and space fascinates me. I think it’s the concept of being able to go … Continue reading

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  As an adoptive parent sometimes it feels like we are going into the wild – the mysterious, unexplored territory that none have dared to dread before. Of course many have. There were nearly 4,000 adoptions that took place in … Continue reading

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Sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed – all day. I’d love to stay hibernating under the covers, maybe watching 8 episodes of Gossip Girl and generally pursuing laziness. But I can’t and why not? Well at … Continue reading

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There are many positive things about adoption. However one of the aspects that isn’t talked about much is the intense feeling of disappointment and disillusionment that can come, particularly early on. For most of us who come to adoption it’s … Continue reading

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I’ve never been trained in the art of negotiation – in my previous life in the corporate world I did have some negotiation training in terms of managing people but nothing like you see on films when the expert is … Continue reading

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I’ve been listening periodically to the Radio 2 series on ‘What makes us human” and they’ve been many different perspectives on this from all kinds of different people. So this is my humble attempt to consider what I think it … Continue reading

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There are many times as a parent when I really want to make a point to my children. As they are growing older they very often want to make a point to me. Sometimes it feels like we’re in a … Continue reading

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Thoughts are off summer and back to the daily routine of school and work for next week. As I reflect back on our summer break though I am encouraged in some ways that we have progressed as a family over … Continue reading

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This week I was asked to give my opinion on a dilemma discussed on our local radio show BBC WM. Whilst I don’t like to make judgements on other peoples lives I have thought a lot since about this particular … Continue reading

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Sing…..I’ve sung all my life in different places and it’s one of those things that always makes me feel better. Whether I’m disappointed, downcast or disillusioned with life singing somehow makes me feel that there is joy and hope. Sounds … Continue reading

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It’s been a hectic week this week – lots of travelling, speaking and training, meeting new people and catching up with old friends – lots of time away from my children and not much sleep. All in all I feel … Continue reading

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  I heard this quote as part of a talk about poverty – a very complex, serious and devastating issue for many people in our world today. However as I’ve been mulling it over as our blog buddies title this … Continue reading

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As a nation we seem to be very down on extreme emotions – it’s not the done thing to be too sad and certainly not cool to be too happy! Melancholy, stress, exuberance, crazy singing and dancing in the street … Continue reading

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Sometimes when you’re in the thick of things it’s hard to see any progress – how far have you come? Has the journey been worth it? What difference have you made along the way? In our blog buddies title this … Continue reading

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When we started on the adoption journey I really did believe I was resilient enough to do a good job. Like most people I’ve had my ups and downs in life but nothing really major I guess – I’ve been … Continue reading

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For years now I’ve been conscious that I want to thrive in all areas of my life – not just survive. As an adoptive parent (any parent that is) there is a tendency to just feel satisfied at getting to … Continue reading

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Being an adoptive parent can be a lonely business sometimes. When you feel that very few understand the pains involved and the challenges. When your child tells you they just want to be with their ‘proper’ mum or that they … Continue reading

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  What comes first the chicken or the egg? This is a well known conundrum and one I will not aim to solve in this blog but it has been going around my mind as our title for this weeks … Continue reading

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I bought myself a Mothers Day present this year – a necklace with an engraving of a tree on it. Around the bottom of the tree the names of all five of us in our family are engraved, myself my … Continue reading

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So we’re supposed to be in Spring apparently – clocks have sprung forward, daffodils are springing up all over, people’s moods are lighter as the days are longer and there’s that general feeling of a new season emerging. However just … Continue reading

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I’ve been mulling over the word risk this week. There are many things in life that require an amount of risk and I’ve discovered that it’s actually everything! Getting out of bed in the morning there’s always the chance of … Continue reading

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There’s not much peace around me at the moment. Many of my adoption friends are finding life particularly challenging with their children and the general pressures of life. I too am finding that those moments of pure peace are few … Continue reading

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‘The toughest thing you ever did could well be the best thing you ever did.’  Our blog buddies title this week and one I could write on from a few different angles but I’ve decided on one. This week in … Continue reading

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“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”. Unknown I’ve heard this phrase many times over the last few years since I’ve been working for myself and every time I hear it I think “yes that’s right”. … Continue reading

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Working for yourself can be stressful at times, it can also be exciting, invigorating and down right fulfilling. Since I left the Corporate world six years ago to adopt our children it’s been a roller coaster of emotions with varying … Continue reading

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“Fair is not everyone getting the same but everyone getting what they need” “It’s not fair” must be the most well used phrase by children all over the world – along with “why”, “I’m bored” and “are we there yet?” … Continue reading

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‘I seldom end up where I want to go but I always end up where I need to be’ is the title of our blog buddies challenge this week and it made me think of a blog I wrote a … Continue reading

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These lyrics to a song by The Feeling always jump out at me when I hear the song – why is that I wonder? Well I’m always amazed when I hear stories of people who’ve overcome horrendous pasts to become … Continue reading

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Stomp, stomp, stomp up the stairs, bang goes the bedroom door, crash go the toys as they fly around the room……a familiar sound in our house I’m afraid. Of course this is following a load of shouting and screaming about … Continue reading

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Christmas is all about presents isn’t it? How many you have, how much people spend, whether so and so bought you a present or not? – No …… maybe not. I wonder if there’s more to gift giving and receiving … Continue reading

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I have been overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and grief these last few weeks. Not for myself actually but for my children. A few things have happened that have really brought it home to me just how deeply saddening … Continue reading

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What’s your story? I love hearing people’s stories on the radio or on TV. To hear what’s happened to them in their life and how it’s significant to them, i.e. that it’s changed them. I wonder why that’s so interesting … Continue reading

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‘Life is a series of problems that we must solve – one then the next then the next until we die’. – Downton Abbey A very depressing quote from the Grandmother in Downton Abbey last week – for those who watch … Continue reading

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I’ve realized lately that this year has been the year of the new. There are so many things that I’ve done for the first time or that I’ve been so connected to it’s felt like the first time. What I … Continue reading

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Our youngest had a birthday this week – all three children now in double figures and don’t we know it! I just had to reflect on it all this morning as how my children react to things sometimes fascinates me. … Continue reading

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Is there a silver lining to loss? Could there be something good that comes out of the losses we face in our lives? When I think of my children and the loss they’ve experienced already in their short lives, can … Continue reading

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When you see new born babies with their Mum more often than not there’s an instant bond, an invisible cord that seems to bind them together. The goggly eyes from the adults and the response from the baby. This is … Continue reading

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I was at a wedding last week and the Preacher used a phrase that has stuck with me since. I don’t think he intended it to be such a profound message, as it was a bit of a throw away … Continue reading

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Why are we so bothered about being the odd one out, the person who hasn’t experienced what others have, the one who can’t relate to the story or the one who actually hasn’t got a clue what people are talking … Continue reading

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It is 5 years since we had our children placed with us and we are having a party tomorrow to celebrate. This week I’ve been mulling over the party coming up and the question going round my mind has been … Continue reading

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Sometimes the realisation of how different children who have been adopted are to other children takes you by surprise. On Friday I attended our Secondary schools awards ceremony for year 7 and 8 (aged 11-13 ish). I was attending as … Continue reading

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What happens when you slow down? When you stop the running around, dashing from one place to the next, focused on what’s coming and what needs to be done. What do you see, feel and hear when you can slow … Continue reading

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  My kids love to run. They run from the bedroom to the bathroom, they run downstairs, they run to the car, they run from the car into school. All day they run. It struck me this morning as I … Continue reading

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What is it about birthdays? They come once a year – just one day but they can hold so much in them – memories, anticipation, sadness, happiness, surprises and shocks sometimes! It’s my birthday today and as ever it’s got … Continue reading

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I’ve found that sometimes it’s quite difficult to stay grateful. The times when you are so exhausted from trying to do the right thing with your children, when their issues are so great and consume your energy and thoughts, when … Continue reading

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  How deep is your love is a great sentiment and it’s something that pops into my mind occasionally as an adoptive parent – how deep is my love and compassion for my children; with their pain, angst and general … Continue reading

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I love Dr Seuss. Before I had children I loved Dr Seuss and now I have children I love him all the more. We went to see the Lorax this weekend and there were a few quotes that really made … Continue reading

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Which brings me to my final question – what do we hope to achieve by rewarding children? In the traditional sense with our reward charts and sliding scales of behaviour charts we are hoping they will tow the line and … Continue reading

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Tip Number One – Quietness Quietness is a rarity these days. When you have three children descend on your quiet life it does inevitably create noise and chaos. Not that I’m complaining about that – but in order to stay … Continue reading

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We’ve just got back from our summer holiday – a week in the sunny (sometimes) shores of Britain. With five of us camping (motorhome and tent to try and spread the chaos) it was quite challenging at times. For those … Continue reading

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Over the summer holidays my kids and I have been around other children more than usual and a few things have struck me. The first is about just how different the family rules are we all make within our homes.  When … Continue reading

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We all have the need to belong to something – whether that’s within our family and friends, or a group of people who understand the things we go through and experience. There’s a theory called ‘The Third Place‘ that psychologists … Continue reading

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“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on” – Henry Ellis There are many decisions we have to make every day.  What breakfast to eat, what to wear, what to do with … Continue reading

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There are times when I would love to scream I’M A MOTHER GET ME OUT OF HERE, when my three demanding and needy children can not leave me alone, when they insist on squabbling with each other all day, when … Continue reading

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“I’m not like other 9 years old”, “I don’t have a normal family”, “I’m not a normal parent”……on and on – our children may say it, we may say it but this week this concept of being ‘normal’ has struck … Continue reading

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Generosity – you either have it or you don’t, it can not be acquired. I heard this statement on the radio today and it made me stop and think – is that true – can you learn to be generous … Continue reading

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Peace on earth. goodwill to men….I’ve been listening to a brilliant song this week ‘I heard the bells on Christmas day’ – with a great chorus – “Peace on Earth”. I’ve included a link to this song as I hope … Continue reading

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Being a parent is really difficult at times. There are so many people who have their opinions and you can be swayed so much by what others think. Being the parent you believe you should be and especially what your … Continue reading

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‘What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us’. Henry David Thoreau. I heard this quote recently on TV and it raised a question in me – how true is … Continue reading

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If you had your time all over again what would you have done differently?  We had this topic at our adoption support group last night and it was a really interesting and beneficial night.  It’s got me thinking what a … Continue reading

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  Fairy tales are brilliant – I love them…but one of my children was talking about them today and said the well known phrase “they all lived happily ever after”.  It made me think about this journey of adoption we … Continue reading

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Trust is a difficult area for adopted children.  Why should they trust adults – we’ve not been a great example to them I’m sure – whether they’ve experienced a neglectful, abusive and/or inconsistent start in life – they have then … Continue reading

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  I’ve heard the phrase positive parenting many times before and thought I understood what it meant. However recently I’ve started to re-think how I feel about this.  Whilst we do need to be positive about our children and in … Continue reading

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