Tag Archives: adoption

‘We are both works of art and artists at work’ - Erwin McManus. I’ve never considered myself to be a creative person – I was rubbish at Art and particularly drawing at school. I envy those people who can create something … Continue reading

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Sometimes it’s hard to know what the best things in life are. When you strive to make your life happier you can get waylaid by shiny things that promise to give you happiness – nice clothes, better car, more luxurious … Continue reading

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We are real Bear Grylls fans in our house, particularly our youngest who couldn’t think of anything better then being dropped out of a helicopter over a murky lake in the middle of the jungle, eating insects and drinking his … Continue reading

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When I think of all the emotions associated with Mother’s Day – for me personally being a Mother through adoption has very mixed emotions. For most Adoptive parents it probably wasn’t their first choice, that doesn’t mean to say it … Continue reading

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There are many kinds of alarm bells – warning signs that are trying to get our attention all day. The obvious one that wakes us up in the morning, but also the many other alarms around us. The creaking of … Continue reading

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There’s something that we don’t like to talk much about in the adoption world. As parents it’s something a large proportion of us live with daily to one degree or another. It’s something we don’t admit to and certainly don’t … Continue reading

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Our theme this week is ‘cheerful perseverance’ and I can’t say I have much cheerfulness in my persevering at the moment. Being a parent of three near teenagers (11, 12 and 14) would try anyones resolve and at times (like … Continue reading

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  I heard a quote a few weeks ago which was “beware of worshipping the tea pot and not drinking the tea”. It made me think of the shine of new things, the illusion of something that invariably might turn … Continue reading

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We are always told that failure and adversity makes us stronger. That we learn through trial and error. That you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Enough of the cliches….this weeks theme for our blog buddy group … Continue reading

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There are many things I would have liked to have been over the years – a singer, a world traveller, someone who can cook, many many things. The problem with wishing to be something you’re not is that you spend … Continue reading

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  As an adoptive parent sometimes it feels like we are going into the wild – the mysterious, unexplored territory that none have dared to dread before. Of course many have. There were nearly 4,000 adoptions that took place in … Continue reading

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Sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed – all day. I’d love to stay hibernating under the covers, maybe watching 8 episodes of Gossip Girl and generally pursuing laziness. But I can’t and why not? Well at … Continue reading

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There are many positive things about adoption. However one of the aspects that isn’t talked about much is the intense feeling of disappointment and disillusionment that can come, particularly early on. For most of us who come to adoption it’s … Continue reading

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There are many times as a parent when I really want to make a point to my children. As they are growing older they very often want to make a point to me. Sometimes it feels like we’re in a … Continue reading

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Thoughts are off summer and back to the daily routine of school and work for next week. As I reflect back on our summer break though I am encouraged in some ways that we have progressed as a family over … Continue reading

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This week I was asked to give my opinion on a dilemma discussed on our local radio show BBC WM. Whilst I don’t like to make judgements on other peoples lives I have thought a lot since about this particular … Continue reading

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It’s been a hectic week this week – lots of travelling, speaking and training, meeting new people and catching up with old friends – lots of time away from my children and not much sleep. All in all I feel … Continue reading

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  I heard this quote as part of a talk about poverty – a very complex, serious and devastating issue for many people in our world today. However as I’ve been mulling it over as our blog buddies title this … Continue reading

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As a nation we seem to be very down on extreme emotions – it’s not the done thing to be too sad and certainly not cool to be too happy! Melancholy, stress, exuberance, crazy singing and dancing in the street … Continue reading

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When we started on the adoption journey I really did believe I was resilient enough to do a good job. Like most people I’ve had my ups and downs in life but nothing really major I guess – I’ve been … Continue reading

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For years now I’ve been conscious that I want to thrive in all areas of my life – not just survive. As an adoptive parent (any parent that is) there is a tendency to just feel satisfied at getting to … Continue reading

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  What comes first the chicken or the egg? This is a well known conundrum and one I will not aim to solve in this blog but it has been going around my mind as our title for this weeks … Continue reading

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I bought myself a Mothers Day present this year – a necklace with an engraving of a tree on it. Around the bottom of the tree the names of all five of us in our family are engraved, myself my … Continue reading

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So we’re supposed to be in Spring apparently – clocks have sprung forward, daffodils are springing up all over, people’s moods are lighter as the days are longer and there’s that general feeling of a new season emerging. However just … Continue reading

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I’ve been mulling over the word risk this week. There are many things in life that require an amount of risk and I’ve discovered that it’s actually everything! Getting out of bed in the morning there’s always the chance of … Continue reading

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‘The toughest thing you ever did could well be the best thing you ever did.’  Our blog buddies title this week and one I could write on from a few different angles but I’ve decided on one. This week in … Continue reading

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“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”. Unknown I’ve heard this phrase many times over the last few years since I’ve been working for myself and every time I hear it I think “yes that’s right”. … Continue reading

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‘I seldom end up where I want to go but I always end up where I need to be’ is the title of our blog buddies challenge this week and it made me think of a blog I wrote a … Continue reading

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These lyrics to a song by The Feeling always jump out at me when I hear the song – why is that I wonder? Well I’m always amazed when I hear stories of people who’ve overcome horrendous pasts to become … Continue reading

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Stomp, stomp, stomp up the stairs, bang goes the bedroom door, crash go the toys as they fly around the room……a familiar sound in our house I’m afraid. Of course this is following a load of shouting and screaming about … Continue reading

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The balance between unrealistic expectations and hoping for the best is sometimes had to strike with adopted children. I am forever trying to temper my expectations of what my children can do with the reality of their difficulties. This week … Continue reading

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Friends are really important to most of us. Being able to spend time with someone who makes you laugh, understands where you’re coming from and supports and encourages you when things are tough is amazing. Over the years I’ve been … Continue reading

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I have been overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and grief these last few weeks. Not for myself actually but for my children. A few things have happened that have really brought it home to me just how deeply saddening … Continue reading

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What’s your story? I love hearing people’s stories on the radio or on TV. To hear what’s happened to them in their life and how it’s significant to them, i.e. that it’s changed them. I wonder why that’s so interesting … Continue reading

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‘Life is a series of problems that we must solve – one then the next then the next until we die’. – Downton Abbey A very depressing quote from the Grandmother in Downton Abbey last week – for those who watch … Continue reading

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I’ve realized lately that this year has been the year of the new. There are so many things that I’ve done for the first time or that I’ve been so connected to it’s felt like the first time. What I … Continue reading

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Our youngest had a birthday this week – all three children now in double figures and don’t we know it! I just had to reflect on it all this morning as how my children react to things sometimes fascinates me. … Continue reading

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When you see new born babies with their Mum more often than not there’s an instant bond, an invisible cord that seems to bind them together. The goggly eyes from the adults and the response from the baby. This is … Continue reading

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Regret can be a crippling thing. Whether it’s regret over something you did or didn’t do, whether it’s pain over things that happened to you or didn’t happen to you – looking back and wishing things were different doesn’t help … Continue reading

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Why are we so bothered about being the odd one out, the person who hasn’t experienced what others have, the one who can’t relate to the story or the one who actually hasn’t got a clue what people are talking … Continue reading

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It is 5 years since we had our children placed with us and we are having a party tomorrow to celebrate. This week I’ve been mulling over the party coming up and the question going round my mind has been … Continue reading

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My daughter has just started at High School…..what a see saw of emotions. For children who have experienced trauma, and as a result have attachment difficulties, big transitions like this can be very difficult. Whilst she seems to be taking … Continue reading

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This expression is used a lot within the adoption world. Many times social workers comment on the importance of the childs’ needs within our care system – that everything we do throughout the process is supposedly about protecting the needs … Continue reading

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What happens when you slow down? When you stop the running around, dashing from one place to the next, focused on what’s coming and what needs to be done. What do you see, feel and hear when you can slow … Continue reading

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What is it about birthdays? They come once a year – just one day but they can hold so much in them – memories, anticipation, sadness, happiness, surprises and shocks sometimes! It’s my birthday today and as ever it’s got … Continue reading

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   I’ve been thinking about change recently. With Christmas and the change in routines, then back to school and work and the readjustments again to the routine, and then this week with the snow that routine has gone out the … Continue reading

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I’ve found that sometimes it’s quite difficult to stay grateful. The times when you are so exhausted from trying to do the right thing with your children, when their issues are so great and consume your energy and thoughts, when … Continue reading

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  How deep is your love is a great sentiment and it’s something that pops into my mind occasionally as an adoptive parent – how deep is my love and compassion for my children; with their pain, angst and general … Continue reading

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I love Dr Seuss. Before I had children I loved Dr Seuss and now I have children I love him all the more. We went to see the Lorax this weekend and there were a few quotes that really made … Continue reading

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Parenting adopted children can be like a military operation. We have three children who actually like to be in chaos – ‘like’ may not be the right word but it is their comfort zone I suppose – the place that … Continue reading

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Family pressures Families are great aren’t they! We don’t choose them and we can’t get away from them (well we can I suppose). Whatever your extended family is like today I can guarantee having adopted children has changed that dynamic … Continue reading

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Belly laugh My kids love to laugh. I’m sure you can remember those times when you were young and you laughed so hard your belly hurt and you thought you might have an accident! If you can’t remember that of course … Continue reading

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Tip Number One – Quietness Quietness is a rarity these days. When you have three children descend on your quiet life it does inevitably create noise and chaos. Not that I’m complaining about that – but in order to stay … Continue reading

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  “Isn’t adoptive parenting the same as any other parenting?” “We all have the same struggles as you do” “Just treat them like you would any child and they’ll be fine”. If you’re an adoptive parent these are words I’m … Continue reading

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My daughter has just started at High School…..what a see saw of emotions. For children who have experienced trauma and as a result have attachment difficulties big transitions like this can be very difficult. Whilst she seems to be taking … Continue reading

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Over the summer holidays my kids and I have been around other children more than usual and a few things have struck me. The first is about just how different the family rules are we all make within our homes.  When … Continue reading

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We all have the need to belong to something – whether that’s within our family and friends, or a group of people who understand the things we go through and experience. There’s a theory called ‘The Third Place‘ that psychologists … Continue reading

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At a conference I was at recently Louise Bomber the author of ‘Inside I’m Hurting’ made a comment on how to help children deal with the difficult sides to their emotions – the anger, the frustration, the shame.  She talked about the … Continue reading

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When we were going through the matching process for adoption I held the belief that keeping siblings together at all costs was a good thing…..I haven’t necessarily changed on this belief but I have seen areas where sibling rivalry takes … Continue reading

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It’s sunny again today and for most people there’s a sense of lightness – spring is in the air and even summer if our past summers are anything to go by. However not everyone likes the sun! There are some … Continue reading

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I’m on a new eating plan at the moment – quite a radical one for me actually. It means I have to change my whole approach to food which has been hard. It’s made me think once again about my … Continue reading

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“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on” – Henry Ellis There are many decisions we have to make every day.  What breakfast to eat, what to wear, what to do with … Continue reading

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It’s my birthday tomorrow and …….. I’m sure I won’t cry. I’m not ashamed to say I’ve reached the ripe old age of 42 – not ashamed but I am a bit sad – I am now well and truly … Continue reading

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I absolutely love watching and hearing my kids laugh! Children know how to really laugh. Something happens to us adults after a certain age where we become respectable with our laughter – we smile, make a short sound like “huh” … Continue reading

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Having not had birth children myself I can’t say I understand parenting in the sense of how most people have a family. They conceive, have the wonderful (and painful so I’m told) experience of giving birth and then of course … Continue reading

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As an adoptive mother I’ve struggled for years with the feelings of loss that come from not being able to give birth to children.  Today though I started to re-think my feelings on this whole subject.  Unlike people who experience … Continue reading

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  I used to love Oliver Twist and so do my kids!  They especially like the part where Oliver bravely approaches his keeper to ask for more of the disgusting gruel they give to the work house children. Food is … Continue reading

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If you had your time all over again what would you have done differently?  We had this topic at our adoption support group last night and it was a really interesting and beneficial night.  It’s got me thinking what a … Continue reading

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Are you ever confused about what your children want or need?  Sometimes it’s difficult to know as they don’t know themselves and if they do can’t articulate it or communicate in a way we can understand.  I found a cartoon … Continue reading

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On holiday last week we were driving down a steep road and I noticed the sign for an ESCAPE LANE – one of those little slip roads you can go down if you lose control on the road.  That phrase … Continue reading

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Trust is a difficult area for adopted children.  Why should they trust adults – we’ve not been a great example to them I’m sure – whether they’ve experienced a neglectful, abusive and/or inconsistent start in life – they have then … Continue reading

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There are many times when I ask myself why we took on this immense journey of adoption.  I’m sure there are those moments for you all!  When no matter how much you try to follow the therapeutic parenting route you … Continue reading

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  I’ve heard the phrase positive parenting many times before and thought I understood what it meant. However recently I’ve started to re-think how I feel about this.  Whilst we do need to be positive about our children and in … Continue reading

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I sometimes feel like I’m in no mans land in terms of my parenting experience. When you adopt (without having birth children first) it is a weird place to be. You don’t have the stories of pregnancy and childbirth to … Continue reading

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I’ve heard many times on adoption training that we need to be patient, calm and understanding to our kids – of which I totally agree. However recently this is becoming harder as we’re faced with a screaming child desperate to … Continue reading

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